More then One wife

[sarah]

Im am intereted to know if Kurdish men can have more then one wife, can anybody inform me.

[Amanc]

its does not mather if you are kurdish or german, if you are muslim you are allowed. but today its is very unusual even in Kurdistan. because kurdish women dont accept it anymore. I think in Silemani it is even forbidden by law to have more then 1 wife.

[UmmAli]

Hi, yes certainly any Muslim man can have upto four wifes but in Kurdistan it is quite rare now I think. I was shocked and estafAllah appauled when I first started to learn about Islam and found out that men could have upto four wives. However, when researching this properly, I found out than men can only have four wives if he can treat them all equally and fairly. This is a very difficult task as love often takes hold of the heart and the mind in ways we do not expect. A man who fears God will not dare to marry more than once unless he is 100% sure he is a strong enough and fair enough to maintain equality between wives and be able to provide protect and nurture his wives and subsequent children to the same degree. Before Islam was revealed men had hundreds of wives alongside concubines etc and none of this was regulated in anyway resulting in lots of destitute women and children. Our God in his mercy allowed polgyamy (although this is not encouraged, mearly probibited in certain circumstances) and there are certain social and moral reasons for this, including the fact that women are outnumbering men, and the fact that men are generally weaker when it comes to matters of a certain nature and its prefered that a men marries another wife and treats her with the honour she deserves rather than just going down to Visage or what have you on a saturday and picking up a one night stand. In Islam, what you want for yourself, you want for for your sister (any female Muslim) therefore if you wouldn't want for a guy to spend a night with you just for the intimacy and then never ever call again - then we don't want that for anyone else and therefore me personally, I'd prefer my husband to marry another women and uphold his Islamic ideals rather than just go and have 5 mins of glory and leave her upset, desperate and lacking in self respect.

Anyway, there are lots of other compelling reasons why polgamy is allowed, but you need to read into it in more depth. Importantly, I think women are now having a clause written into marriage contracts to state that their marriage is nul and void if the husband later takes another wife - but I'm not I agree with that as we never know what the future holds. Most scholars also highly recommend that a husband discusses with his wife if he ever feels the need to marry another as often any problems driving his desire to marry another wife could be resolved through talking or intervention from family.

This is just my opinion but the pologymy issue takes quite some reading to understand. Try this http://www.allaahuakbar.net/womens/isla ... lygamy.htm

Feel free to ask any questions if you wish Sarah but I'm no expert.

Bye for now

[AlbaSaab]

Hi, yes certainly any Muslim man can have upto four wifes but in Kurdistan it is quite rare now I think. I was shocked and estafAllah appauled when I first started to learn about Islam and found out that men could have upto four wives. However, when researching this properly, I found out than men can only have four wives if he can treat them all equally and fairly. This is a very difficult task as love often takes hold of the heart and the mind in ways we do not expect. A man who fears God will not dare to marry more than once unless he is 100% sure he is a strong enough and fair enough to maintain equality between wives and be able to provide protect and nurture his wives and subsequent children to the same degree. Before Islam was revealed men had hundreds of wives alongside concubines etc and none of this was regulated in anyway resulting in lots of destitute women and children. Our God in his mercy allowed polgyamy (although this is not encouraged, mearly probibited in certain circumstances) and there are certain social and moral reasons for this, including the fact that women are outnumbering men, and the fact that men are generally weaker when it comes to matters of a certain nature and its prefered that a men marries another wife and treats her with the honour she deserves rather than just going down to Visage or what have you on a saturday and picking up a one night stand. In Islam, what you want for yourself, you want for for your sister (any female Muslim) therefore if you wouldn't want for a guy to spend a night with you just for the intimacy and then never ever call again - then we don't want that for anyone else and therefore me personally, I'd prefer my husband to marry another women and uphold his Islamic ideals rather than just go and have 5 mins of glory and leave her upset, desperate and lacking in self respect.

Anyway, there are lots of other compelling reasons why polgamy is allowed, but you need to read into it in more depth. Importantly, I think women are now having a clause written into marriage contracts to state that their marriage is nul and void if the husband later takes another wife - but I'm not I agree with that as we never know what the future holds. Most scholars also highly recommend that a husband discusses with his wife if he ever feels the need to marry another as often any problems driving his desire to marry another wife could be resolved through talking or intervention from family.

This is just my opinion but the pologymy issue takes quite some reading to understand. Try this http://www.allaahuakbar.net/womens/isla ... lygamy.htm

Feel free to ask any questions if you wish Sarah but I'm no expert.

Bye for now

"In Islam, what you want for yourself, you want for for your sister (any female Muslim) therefore if you wouldn't want for a guy to spend a night with you just for the intimacy and then never ever call again - then we don't want that for anyone else and therefore me personally, I'd prefer my husband to marry another women and uphold his Islamic ideals rather than just go and have 5 mins of glory and leave her upset, desperate and lacking in self respect".

My question is this then: If the "sister" wanted another husband, or a little bit on the side, why can't she? I would NEVER EVER marry a man who wasn't satisfied with only one wife. It's degrading to women im my opinion. What you seem to be saying is that it's ok, and indeed natural for your husband to think about going with other women. But if he did go with another woman, that would not be ok, unless he married her. So you are therefore condoning HIS lack of integrity towards you, as his wife. Also, why isn't the HUSBAND guilty of having no self respect after sleeping with a woman, other than his WIFE????

If you think that having a higher libido than yourself is a worthy EXCUSE to take another wife, I would look deep into myself and as why I think it's good. I would certainly be questioning my self esteem.

[AlbaSaab]

This is from the website you posted:

"Monogamy of the West inherited from Greece and Rome where men were restricted by law to one wife but were free to have as many mistresses among the majority slave population as they wished. In the West today, most married men have extramarital relations with mistresses, girlfriends and prostitutes. Consequently the Western claim to monogamy is false."

Are you trying to say that because men and women in the west HAVE extra-marital affairs, that the "claim" to monogamy is false? It IS ILLEGAL and is NOT condoned. I can tell you as fact that Muslim men have extra-marital affairs, as well as non Muslims. So why are you trying to pin the blame on western societies?

[UmmAli]

Thanks for your reply, I've thought about this many times and still come back to the same conclusion that most men are able to decompartmentalise sex and love and do not see them as something that automatically go together, whereas a women generally although not always, attaches a greater meaning to sex than just a phyiscal release - ones emotions invariably become involved too. I actually think it maybe a weakness in men that they may find to harder to control themselves sexually perhaps due to reasons of a biological nature, and Islam accounts for this by allowing them a halal outlet for their release without creating mast promisicuity.

Nobody is asking you to marry a men who wasn't satisfied with one wife thats your choice. I was simply outlining my opinion which I'm sure you is a healthy thing to do -as I am doing it politely and certainly not forcing it on anyone.

The situation I outlined was based purely on a hypothetical nature and yes, if my husband did desire another women I would much rather he thought about taking another wife as this would be a serious responsibility and may perhaps make him reassess his inital thoughts. And yes, I would prefer him to marry another wife who he could support emotionally and physcially and give her the joys of marriage that I experience, rather than him pick up a one night stand that would mean nothing and not result in any long term benefits for either party. Whereas another marriage would be blessed by Allah swt. My opinions are based on the Quran and the Sunnah and that is where I draw my insperation and my morality and I do not agree with a women having and relationship outside marriage nor do I condone a man having a relationship outside marriage.

I think you may have misunderstood many of the worthy reasons Allah swt permissed the taking of another wife and it appears you have may be verging along the same lines of many who simply dismiss polyomy as something for weak women and oversexed men - what about during the wars when thousands and men perished and left many women without husbands and no other men to marry about from those already married? Surely any man marrying a women in such circumstances is actually doing something of greater good in order to make another women happy, and give her the chance of having childen which she may not otherwise of had. We cannot fail to resort to looking at the life of the beloved prophet who never married to calm a hightened libido.

And, my self-esteem has been boosted dramatically since my revertion to Islam as I know longer feel the need for alcohol, mini skirts and make-up to prop up my sense of self-worth; I do it through dkhir and prayer instead.

But, again, its just my opinion and I welcome healthy debate.

[AlbaSaab]

Thanks for your reply, I've thought about this many times and still come back to the same conclusion that most men are able to decompartmentalise sex and love and do not see them as something that automatically go together, whereas a women generally although not always, attaches a greater meaning to sex than just a phyiscal release - ones emotions invariably become involved too. I actually think it maybe a weakness in men that they may find to harder to control themselves sexually perhaps due to reasons of a biological nature, and Islam accounts for this by allowing them a halal outlet for their release without creating mast promisicuity.

Nobody is asking you to marry a men who wasn't satisfied with one wife thats your choice. I was simply outlining my opinion which I'm sure you is a healthy thing to do -as I am doing it politely and certainly not forcing it on anyone.

The situation I outlined was based purely on a hypothetical nature and yes, if my husband did desire another women I would much rather he thought about taking another wife as this would be a serious responsibility and may perhaps make him reassess his inital thoughts. And yes, I would prefer him to marry another wife who he could support emotionally and physcially and give her the joys of marriage that I experience, rather than him pick up a one night stand that would mean nothing and not result in any long term benefits for either party. Whereas another marriage would be blessed by Allah swt. My opinions are based on the Quran and the Sunnah and that is where I draw my insperation and my morality and I do not agree with a women having and relationship outside marriage nor do I condone a man having a relationship outside marriage.

I think you may have misunderstood many of the worthy reasons Allah swt permissed the taking of another wife and it appears you have may be verging along the same lines of many who simply dismiss polyomy as something for weak women and oversexed men - what about during the wars when thousands and men perished and left many women without husbands and no other men to marry about from those already married? Surely any man marrying a women in such circumstances is actually doing something of greater good in order to make another women happy, and give her the chance of having childen which she may not otherwise of had. We cannot fail to resort to looking at the life of the beloved prophet who never married to calm a hightened libido.

And, my self-esteem has been boosted dramatically since my revertion to Islam as I know longer feel the need for alcohol, mini skirts and make-up to prop up my sense of self-worth; I do it through dkhir and prayer instead.

But, again, its just my opinion and I welcome healthy debate.

Hi, I'll have to respond in parts to this post May I ask if you believe that the Bible is also God's word, as I have had different answers on here to that question, and I am still no wiser.

[Diri]

Thank you Umm Ali for your very reflectant and wise words... I grew wiser with them...

I don't mean to be partial, Albasaab - and I am not - but I think you should be more constructive in your criticism, as Umm Ali is only speaking her mind and presenting her belief.

Be nice to eachother both of you...

Thank you...

My 2 cents;

I think I agree with the IDEAS behind poligamy... But I don't agree with it's practice in modern society. In Kurdistan it's very unusual now - but 50 years ago, it was very normal... Today Kurdish women don't accept for their men to have more wives... Although according to Islamic law, they can... However, do not confuse Islamic law with Muslim traditions and culture... Islamic law is hardly ever applied any place in full... So therefore we do no justice to it by critisizing the few places it's applied only partially...

Bottom line is; Kurdish society has changed a LOT the last 30-50 years... It used to be popular for women to be a bit chubby... Now it's in to be thin... Before it was normal to have more than one wife... Now it's a social taboo in Kurdistan... And thank God...

[AlbaSaab]

Thank you Umm Ali for your very reflectant and wise words... I grew wiser with them...

I don't mean to be partial, Albasaab - and I am not - but I think you should be more constructive in your criticism, as Umm Ali is only speaking her mind and presenting her belief.

Be nice to eachother both of you...

Thank you...

My 2 cents;

I think I agree with the IDEAS behind poligamy... But I don't agree with it's practice in modern society. In Kurdistan it's very unusual now - but 50 years ago, it was very normal... Today Kurdish women don't accept for their men to have more wives... Although according to Islamic law, they can... However, do not confuse Islamic law with Muslim traditions and culture... Islamic law is hardly ever applied any place in full... So therefore we do no justice to it by critisizing the few places it's applied only partially...

Bottom line is; Kurdish society has changed a LOT the last 30-50 years... It used to be popular for women to be a bit chubby... Now it's in to be thin... Before it was normal to have more than one wife... Now it's a social taboo in Kurdistan... And thank God...

I was only asking questions, and putting my view forward.

[AlbaSaab]

Thank you Umm Ali for your very reflectant and wise words... I grew wiser with them...

I don't mean to be partial, Albasaab - and I am not - but I think you should be more constructive in your criticism, as Umm Ali is only speaking her mind and presenting her belief.

Be nice to eachother both of you...

Thank you...

My 2 cents;

I think I agree with the IDEAS behind poligamy... But I don't agree with it's practice in modern society. In Kurdistan it's very unusual now - but 50 years ago, it was very normal... Today Kurdish women don't accept for their men to have more wives... Although according to Islamic law, they can... However, do not confuse Islamic law with Muslim traditions and culture... Islamic law is hardly ever applied any place in full... So therefore we do no justice to it by critisizing the few places it's applied only partially...

Bottom line is; Kurdish society has changed a LOT the last 30-50 years... It used to be popular for women to be a bit chubby... Now it's in to be thin... Before it was normal to have more than one wife... Now it's a social taboo in Kurdistan... And thank God...

I was only asking questions, and putting my view forward.

Although I am somewhat sledehammer-ish sometimes, and am trying hard to be more tactful, and looking back at my post; it could be construed as looking like an attack, but it really wasn't meant that way.

[Diri]

Thank you Umm Ali for your very reflectant and wise words... I grew wiser with them...

I don't mean to be partial, Albasaab - and I am not - but I think you should be more constructive in your criticism, as Umm Ali is only speaking her mind and presenting her belief.

Be nice to eachother both of you...

Thank you...

My 2 cents;

I think I agree with the IDEAS behind poligamy... But I don't agree with it's practice in modern society. In Kurdistan it's very unusual now - but 50 years ago, it was very normal... Today Kurdish women don't accept for their men to have more wives... Although according to Islamic law, they can... However, do not confuse Islamic law with Muslim traditions and culture... Islamic law is hardly ever applied any place in full... So therefore we do no justice to it by critisizing the few places it's applied only partially...

Bottom line is; Kurdish society has changed a LOT the last 30-50 years... It used to be popular for women to be a bit chubby... Now it's in to be thin... Before it was normal to have more than one wife... Now it's a social taboo in Kurdistan... And thank God...

I was only asking questions, and putting my view forward.

No don't worry it's not realy a big deal - maybe I should have just remained quiet in fact, because the "problem" was a little one - it was just that you were a bit aggressive... If you go back to your posts I think you'll agree that you took what Umm Ali said a bit personal... And reacted quite naturally with defending your values - because she was in a constructive way critisizing Western values... But no worry... It's okey... The two of your are doing a healthy discussion... After I saw another thread on the forums with swearing and rascism, this is nothing in comparison...

[Diri]

Thank you Umm Ali for your very reflectant and wise words... I grew wiser with them...

I don't mean to be partial, Albasaab - and I am not - but I think you should be more constructive in your criticism, as Umm Ali is only speaking her mind and presenting her belief.

Be nice to eachother both of you...

Thank you...

My 2 cents;

I think I agree with the IDEAS behind poligamy... But I don't agree with it's practice in modern society. In Kurdistan it's very unusual now - but 50 years ago, it was very normal... Today Kurdish women don't accept for their men to have more wives... Although according to Islamic law, they can... However, do not confuse Islamic law with Muslim traditions and culture... Islamic law is hardly ever applied any place in full... So therefore we do no justice to it by critisizing the few places it's applied only partially...

Bottom line is; Kurdish society has changed a LOT the last 30-50 years... It used to be popular for women to be a bit chubby... Now it's in to be thin... Before it was normal to have more than one wife... Now it's a social taboo in Kurdistan... And thank God...

I was only asking questions, and putting my view forward.

Although I am somewhat sledehammer-ish sometimes, and am trying hard to be more tactful, and looking back at my post; it could be construed as looking like an attack, but it really wasn't meant that way.

Exactly dear Lorri...

I am glad you agree it can be misunderstood... That shows how reflectant and bright you are - and how you know to objectively determine and evaluate even your own words...

By the way - why don't you start a poll? You can have the question; "Is the Bible according to you (Muslims) the word of God?" and the two options: "Yes" and "No"

[AlbaSaab]

Thank you Umm Ali for your very reflectant and wise words... I grew wiser with them...

I don't mean to be partial, Albasaab - and I am not - but I think you should be more constructive in your criticism, as Umm Ali is only speaking her mind and presenting her belief.

Be nice to eachother both of you...

Thank you...

My 2 cents;

I think I agree with the IDEAS behind poligamy... But I don't agree with it's practice in modern society. In Kurdistan it's very unusual now - but 50 years ago, it was very normal... Today Kurdish women don't accept for their men to have more wives... Although according to Islamic law, they can... However, do not confuse Islamic law with Muslim traditions and culture... Islamic law is hardly ever applied any place in full... So therefore we do no justice to it by critisizing the few places it's applied only partially...

Bottom line is; Kurdish society has changed a LOT the last 30-50 years... It used to be popular for women to be a bit chubby... Now it's in to be thin... Before it was normal to have more than one wife... Now it's a social taboo in Kurdistan... And thank God...

I was only asking questions, and putting my view forward.

Although I am somewhat sledehammer-ish sometimes, and am trying hard to be more tactful, and looking back at my post; it could be construed as looking like an attack, but it really wasn't meant that way.

Exactly dear Lorri...

I am glad you agree it can be misunderstood... That shows how reflectant and bright you are - and how you know to objectively determine and evaluate even your own words...

By the way - why don't you start a poll? You can have the question; "Is the Bible according to you (Muslims) the word of God?" and the two options: "Yes" and "No"

Good idea, but I'll put money on it that I won't be able to phathom how to do a poll. My son only showed me today how to put that URL thing on here.

[Diri]

Oh dear... The codes are simple... I'll open a thread to help you out!

[freedom+unity]

please don't compare islamic people to our pure country.
we have been pushed into islam.
we believe in love strongly and only with one woman. we believe that a woman has the equal powers as men. it is islam who belives in killing new born females because they are not male.
they also marry as many times as they want.
if you call your self muslim you must live by these rules.
i am not brainwashed by western world. i have freedom of speech.
and this enables me to explore the real islam.